Why You Can’t Fake Confidence With Women Long-Term

Let's face it – you want to be seen as a more attractive man. You want people to think you're confident, smart, and funny. You don't want to come across as insecure, inept, and boring…or even worse, creepy.

So you probably spend a lot of time finding ways to show off your attractive qualities to new women.

You try to play it cool to not seem overeager when answering text messages. You memorize witty questions that you think women would love to answer. You don't show too much interest too soon so women will chase you.

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So why, sometimes even when you're trying so hard, do things still not work?

It's because you can't just use a couple of tricks to convince someone how attractive you are. Faking confidence backfires and you aren't sending out the signals women actually respond to.

You need to start sending out “honest signals” instead.

What Are Honest Signals?

Signaling theory is an idea in evolutionary biology about how living things communicate with one another through honest or dishonest signals.

Honest signals are when someone behaves in a way that you feel reliably shows their true character. You feel like that behavior has no ulterior motive, it's just authentic self-expression.

Dishonest signals are behaviors you feel could easily be faked or cheated. When you feel like someone has a pre-planned outcome or is just seeking your approval, you know they're not being genuine.

In the animal kingdom, this is an important part of mate selection.

Basically, if a woman's looking for a romantic partner, she wants to make a smart, educated decision. So she will look for signs that help her determine whether or not a new prospect has the traits she desires. She wants to avoid men who don't.

For example, a woman might want a man who is socially outgoing, can provide for offspring, and loves caring for others. These are all virtues she wants in a father to her children.

So what's the most accurate way for her to judge if a guy has what she wants?

She's got to observe those qualities for herself.

She has to see him acting in a way that shows he embodies those traits for himself and not just for other people. THAT'S an honest signal.

If that same guy were to just brag about his money and how awesome he is, it wouldn't have the same impact. He could easily be lying or just behaving a certain way to appear more valuable to her. THAT'S a possible dishonest signal.

Anyone can claim to be something but when you truly live it, it's much harder for anyone to doubt you.

Seeing Is Believing

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Let's say that same woman is in an ice cream shop. She sees a man park a new Mercedes outside and walk into the shop with his niece. He's dressed extremely well — wearing tailored, designer clothes.

As he walks in, he's smiling and excitedly explaining all the options to his niece. When he gets to the counter, he warmly greets the cashier and they seem to have an existing, friendly rapport together. He looks over and tells his niece she can get whatever she wants, even extra sprinkles!

At that moment, that guy is sending out a lot of honest signals:

  • He's outgoing because he's playful with his niece and has a good vibe with the cashier.
  • He can provide because he has the money to spend on a Mercedes and expensive clothing.
  • He seems to care for others because he's spending time taking his niece out and showing her love.

The woman recognizes those qualities and becomes immediately more attracted to that man. She has clear evidence that he is a high-quality partner she would desire.

Of course, he could somehow be faking these virtues…but that's less likely.

Now imagine if that woman met that same man randomly in a bar. He's dressed casually and having a drink by himself. When they end up talking, he's eager to showcase those same desirable qualities.

He tells her that he's a really fun, sociable guy. He claims he's successful and well-established. He says his niece is the most important thing to him in the world.

All those things may be true, but they aren't nearly as meaningful as if she got to see them in action, first hand. Why? Because again, it's so easy for anyone to lie and exaggerate about themselves.

So obviously, your goal here is to SHOW not TELL what a “catch” you are.

Why You Can't Fake The Signals

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I know all of this isn't necessarily news to you. You already know you want to appear highly valuable to others.

The tricky thing is that sending out honest signals requires you really embody these attractive traits — and that takes work. So sometimes, you might try to find shortcuts to save time and energy.

And occasionally, these shortcuts work…but not for long. Because in reality, taking the easy way out means you're still sending out dishonest signals.

Let me give you 3 examples of how it usually plays out:

1. You initiate conversation with a woman using a suave line you read on the internet

After that, however, you struggle with maintaining that same level of wit and playfulness. You get stuck in your head, stumble over your words, and suffer through awkward silences.

Your inability to have a natural conversation cancels out your supposed charisma.

2. You pretend to be a secure, independent guy over text

But when a woman doesn't respond to you throughout the night, you send consecutive texts asking her if everything's okay. Then you call her the next day and leave a pleading voicemail, apologizing if you did something wrong.

Your desperate attempts to get her attention overshadow any “cool” factor you had.

3. You act like a more cocky risk-taker when you meet a woman

But when you have your , you don't get too personal so she doesn't judge you. You don't flirt with her when you really want to. And you act like a “yes” man to everything she says, even if you disagree with her.

She doesn't end up feeling that “spark” with you because you were timid and afraid to be yourself.

When you're wearing a mask, it's inevitable that your true self will eventually be revealed — whether you want it to or not.

Once a woman notices you're sending out dishonest signals, she'll feel misled and manipulated. And you will prove you're not only missing the qualities she desires, but you're a charlatan she can't trust.

How To Send Honest, Attractive Signals

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So unfortunately, if you want to be seen as a high-quality romantic prospect, there are no shortcuts.

Keeping up a charade is stressful, impossible to maintain, and prone to failure. You will always feel like you need to pretend to be a great guy, which means you'll never build real self-confidence.

So instead, choose a few values you really want to uphold and work towards living them every day.

Let's look at some qualities we know are attractive and how you can signal them honestly.

“I am a guy people like to be around. I have social status.”

  • You hang with groups of friends out in public.
  • You strike up short conversations with various people around you at an event.
  • You host small parties.
  • You perform at a music show and talk to people afterwards.
  • You regularly chat with the staff at your favorite cafe, bar, restaurant, or gym.

“I am not desperate and I have self-respect.”

  • You pursue and take chances with women until you become exclusive with someone.
  • You're willing to disagree with people in a constructive manner.
  • You set your boundaries when someone crosses them: e.g. telling a woman you value your time and don't appreciate her cancelling twice last minute. You don't keep chasing her and leave the ball in her court. If she doesn't make plans, you focus on someone else.

“I am spontaneous and adventurous.”

  • You check out new events or hobbies in your city.
  • Your social media profiles are filled with pictures of you hiking, surfing, and traveling around the world.
  • You plan out road trips with your friends.
  • You immediately jump up on stage when the previous people singing karaoke finish.
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“I'm funny and like to have a good time.”

  • You go out out with friends and they laugh at your jokes.
  • You have a great time dancing at a club, even when you're alone.
  • You can take a tease from a woman and be playful back without getting defensive.
  • You lead with a more nerdy or dark joke because you think it's funny, even if it might be risky.

“I have a good heart / I am father material.”

  • You do volunteer work. You hold the door for other people.
  • You hug and high-five your friends openly.
  • You give your niece or nephew a piggyback ride.
  • You treat workers well even when they make mistakes.
  • You enjoy being silly with your dog or run around with them at the park.

“I am comfortable in my own skin.”

  • You wear more flamboyant or statement clothes.
  • You walk around with your head held high, looking at the horizon.
  • You might have visible tattoos.
  • You speak with a clear voice that projects with energy and enthusiasm.
  • You take up more space with your body and don't scrunch yourself up.
  • You maintain strong eye contact with people.
  • You express yourself with vibrant facial expressions and gestures.

When it comes to showing off your best qualities, no words can compete with a woman witnessing you in honest action.

People will see you when least expect it and it will tell them everything they need to know. So the only surefire way to come across as an attractive man is to live as one.

I believe this article was helpful to you and that you enjoyed every bit of it. Please feel free to leave us a comment below if you have any. 

Also, help us share this article on social media to help us reach more people who needs this information.

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